


Ben Solo Wasn’t Enough

by idrilhadhafang



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst and Tragedy, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Canon Rewrite, Force Bond (Star Wars), Heavy Angst, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Multi, POV Ben Solo, POV Rey (Star Wars), Past Poe Dameron/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-26
Updated: 2018-06-25
Packaged: 2019-05-28 18:18:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15054992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: A rewrite of the Rey-Kylo Force Bond flashback scene.





	Ben Solo Wasn’t Enough

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.
> 
> Author’s Notes: So I guess this served two purposes: one, to shamelessly reference Darkpilot as an experiment, and two, to sort of smooth out why Rey ends up believing in Kylo so easily. I thought her transition was a little rushed, really. So...here you go.

The island vanished around them, giving way to the sight of a sleeping Kylo Ren — no, a sleeping Ben Solo — in his chambers. Rey couldn’t help but jolt a bit upon seeing Ben sleeping there; he looked so young. So innocent. Rey remembered what she had read once, about sleep stealing the soul, and she supposed that whoever had written that holobook was very much right. 

“How old were you?” she said. It was troubling that she had to ask that question, but she couldn’t help but be curious.

”Nineteen,” Kylo said. “And you don’t have to whisper — it already happened. They can’t hear us.”

”They?” 

As if on cue, Luke entered the hut. How he was so clear despite Ben being asleep, Rey didn’t know; she could only assume that the Force wanted her to know the truth.

Luke extended his hand, much like Rey had when she was “reaching out” for the first time, and Rey turned to look at Kylo. “What is he doing?” she said.

”He was reading my mind that night. I didn’t find out later until Snoke told me.”

Rey stepped back, all but in shock. 

“I guess he didn’t tell you that detail?” Kylo said. “Anything not to taint his undeserved hero’s image. Anything not to let anyone see that truth.”

Rey watched, even as Luke ignited his lightsaber — and already, she felt like she had been punched in the gut. Luke Skywalker, lie? Luke Skywalker, think of using his weapon against his own family never mind the faith he had in his father?

And yet here it was. Visions didn’t lie. Not usually.

”No,” Rey said, softly.

”You only knew the legend. You didn’t know the man.”

Luke wavered — but it wasn’t enough. Ben woke, saw Luke standing over him lightsaber in hand, and lashed out. They fought, Ben bringing the hut down on Luke with the Force —

— and then they were back at the island.

”Luke...” Rey couldn’t find words.

”He did,” Kylo said. “I ran for help. The Academy didn’t believe me, and...it went wrong.”

”You didn’t have to kill them.”

A flash of a Jedi student charging at Ben danced across her eyes. Then, “I wish I didn’t.”

The island dissolved again...

***

_Ben Solo stumbles away from the Academy in that moment, from its flaming ruins, along with several other students, students that will become the Knights of Ren in time. They have to leave, and quickly, but there’s someone that Ben has to say goodbye to first. Someone he has to see — before he goes._

_He turns to the rest of the students, ragtag people that Ben’s salvaged from the Academy, and nods. Not a word, just a nod, telling them to stay back. He doesn’t want them to show up at Poe Dameron’s door and evoke more questions than he already has, no doubt._

_He never wanted this. To get to this point, to end up killing his fellow students, who turned on him because they were afraid. And Poe is too good for this life. Too pure. Then again, Poe always was a better man than he. If not for the fact that Poe never flaunted it, never rubbed it in his face, Ben would have hated him._

_Instead, he loves Poe more than he can possibly say, more than Poe can possibly know._

_He knocks on the door, and Poe answers it. “Ben! Are you okay?”_

_Ben nods. He wants to say no, desperately, but that would mean telling Poe what happened._

_”Poe, listen to me. I have to go.”_

_”Why?”_

_”I don’t belong here. I never have.”_

_”It wasn’t — ’’_

_Ben’s face softens. “It wasn’t you. It was never you. Believe me.”_

_Silence._

_Ben sighs. “Poe,” he says, “No matter what happens, I...” He trails off. How does he even begin to explain to Poe what this beautiful, kind, wonderful man means to him? “You’ll always be in my heart.” He knows that Poe will be there, somewhere where no one else can reach. Where he can be protected. And meanwhile, Ben Solo might as well fade away, like he deserves to._

_In the end, Ben Solo wasn’t enough._

_”Ben — ’’_

_”You’ll always be in my heart. I will always know you’re there, and you’ll always be...” The only man I could ever love, he wants to say. Instead he says, “My best friend.”_

_”Am I ever going to see you again?” Poe says softly._

_”You might. I don’t know.” Ben doesn’t even want to contemplate what a future without Poe means. But such a bright star like Poe can’t be tainted by the events to come. Somehow, that light has to be reflected, shared with the right people._

_”I’ll keep fighting. For you, Ben.”_

_Ben hugs him, clings to him briefly like he’s the only thing between him and slipping into this ocean of darkness. Maybe he is._

_Then he lets go._

_***_

The vision dissolved in that moment, and Rey was back on the island, in the dark. All except for one figure — Kylo Ren, still stripped to the waist, looking at Rey. He wasn’t crying, Rey knew that — except for the day that he’d killed his father, he wasn’t the type to cry. But the look in his eyes was close to shaken, like he hadn’t quite expected the impact of all but trying to retell it.

”So you left him behind,” Rey said.

”I had to. He deserved better. So much better.” Kylo’s eyes didn’t falter, but Rey swore she saw something vulnerable in them.

”He did deserve better than you,” Rey said, and her voice was tired. There was no anger in it, or venom, merely tiredness.

”I know he did.”

***

Long after Kylo vanished, Rey couldn’t say she knew what to think. To think this creature, this monster...well, this monster now without a mask actually had some emotion in him...

Some love in him. To think that he had given up what could have been just to keep the man he loved safe. And Luke had, in a way, created him.

Rey wished she knew what to think. It didn’t excuse what he had done, but at the same time, she couldn’t help but feel something else for him other than anger and hate.

It was faint, but it was there nonetheless. 

It was pity.

Yes. Pity. She couldn’t get attached to him too easily; after all, he was still for all intents and purposes a war criminal. But she could pity where he came from. Where he was now. Luke had never given him a chance, had he?

Could she give him that chance, perhaps, to come back?

Rey closed her eyes. Maybe she could sort it out in the morning. In the end, right now, she couldn’t say she knew.


End file.
